As an author and researcher who has communicated with thousands of trauma and abuse survivors, I’ve become all too familiar with the victim-shaming myths which cause retraumatization in those who have suffered the unimaginable. These myths are often normalized as everyday platitudes that, even when said in well-meaning ways, can pose unnecessary harm to survivors and their healing journeys. Research has shown the powerful detrimental effects of victim-blaming and victim-shaming statements. Studies have confirmed that when victims encounter negative reactions from professionals, family members, and friends, this destructively affects the willingness of victims to come forward to disclose their pain and only leads to further self-blame and uncertainty about their…

Adult children of narcissistic parents grow up without support or empathy from their primary caregivers. This leads to a variety of debilitating struggles in adulthood. The effects of trauma alone can lead children of toxic parents to have a diminished sense of self-esteem, insecure attachment styles, persistent anxiety and self-doubt, self-harm, and even suicidal ideation. I have surveyed over 700 adult children of narcissists for my new book, and below, I share a few of the most common struggles those who have been raised by narcissistic parents tackle in adulthood: 1. They have people-pleasing tendencies. In the stories of adult children of narcissists, it’s very common to find accounts of…

Malignant narcissists are filled with pathological envy. According to the American Psychiatric Association, narcissists are said to be envious of others and believe others to be envious of them. It is not at all surprising that a narcissist would believe others to be envious of them, either – they are masters of projection, spewing their issues onto others in order to avoid the truth about themselves. As an author who specializes in toxic relationships, I’ve corresponded with thousands of survivors who have been with narcissistic partners and many of them have been on the receiving end of this destructive envy as well as malignant projections. This is part of the…

Many have been ensnared by the initial charms of a narcissist, yet few have benefited from a long-term relationship with one. The idealization phase with a narcissist includes love bombing, sweeping a victim off his or her feet, and empty, flowery promises which never come to fruition. This form of love bombing can take place across many different contexts. Imagine the narcissistic boss who promises his employees the dream job of a lifetime, only to later exploit them. Or, the narcissistic mother who dangles the carrot of temporary affection simply to get her children to obey her. Perhaps the narcissistic girlfriend who showers her partner with excessive flattery and visions…

Don’t you wish you had a magic ball to determine who was a toxic person whenever you met someone new? Some lightning-speed clairvoyance which could immediately bring you away from any harm they might pose to you and your life? Well, technically you do in the form of your intuition – the mystical radar which appears to go off at even one inkling of danger. Yet even then, there’s no guarantee we wouldn’t rationalize our own intuition or inner voice. That’s why it’s so important to understand the red flag traits and behaviors of toxic people so we can keep them in mind whenever we encounter a potentially toxic person…

We could all benefit from learning how to better assess narcissistic traits and toxicity in people. As an author and researcher who has corresponded with thousands of survivors of narcissistic partners, friends, family members, and co-workers, I’ve learned that there are five simple “tests” you can use to assess toxicity in someone new you’re getting to know or even someone you’ve known for quite some time. While none of these on their own are necessarily indicative of a full-fledged personality disorder, if these behaviors are frequent, intense and show up in tandem, it is a good sign you need to detach. Keep in mind that more covertly aggressive, cunning narcissists…

Our dating world has changed rapidly in the last decade. No longer do people have to put in much effort to meet or court a romantic partner or mate – they simply have to swipe right. While these technological advancements have made it far more easy for people to connect, it’s also caused a lot of disconnection, instant gratification, and even a loss of true intimacy. Research shows that women who experienced online dating for example, encountered pervasive lying, financial scams, and unwanted sexual aggression, while other studies point to increasingly sexually risky behavior and grooming by predators (Choi et al., 2016; Vandeweerd, Myers, Coulter, Yalcin, & Corvin, 2016; Machimbarrena…

We all want to know how to become “immune” to toxic or narcissistic people – the types who lack empathy, have a callous sense of entitlement, and a penchant for exploiting others – and for good reason. A recent study showed that those who were involved with pathological narcissists in their relationships reported greater levels of burden, depression, and anxiety (Day, Bourke, Townsend, & Grenyer, 2019). This magical superpower we can use to ward off people looking to drain and exploit us is highly sought after. If we could prevent ourselves from investing years into a relationship with another manipulator, wouldn’t we all want to become kryptonite? Yet this “immunity”…

Narcissistic businesses operate differently from empathic ones; their main priority is not the satisfaction of their customers and employees but rather how they can obtain the most amount of revenue with the least amount of effort. Much like narcissistic friends, partners, and family members, businesses as a whole can also operate in manipulative ways to pull the wool over a consumer’s eyes – or even that of a targeted employee who is forced to do their dirty work for them. What’s more, because their toxicity is built into the structure of their business model and seeps down to the way their employees operate, they can work as a team to…