You might stereotype a narcissist’s behavior online as simply vain or self-absorbed. Yet the image of the selfie-taking narcissist does not cut it when it comes to how a narcissist truly behaves online. People share pictures of themselves online for various reasons; special occasions, meeting a new fitness goal, or capturing a confident moment. Real narcissists aren’t the ones taking selfies – they are often the ones bullying, harassing, and stalking others in cyberspace. Here are three behaviors that narcissists online engage in and how you can spot one on the internet: 1. Policing, controlling, and shaming others. Perhaps one of the most underhanded ways that narcissists, especially female narcissists,…

With Halloween approaching, it’s high time to remember that nothing is scarier than a narcissist or psychopath’s emotional vampirism, or their true self unmasked. Ghouls, vampires, ghosts, and monsters under the bed simply do not compare to the real-life monsters who may be lurking in your bed. Narcissists and psychopaths manufacture chaos to keep you focused on them and only them. They know they cannot sustain your interest in them long-term because they rely on a false mask to navigate the world. Manufactured chaos allows malignant narcissists to keep you on the hamster wheel of trying to figure out their intentions and second-guessing yourself. They try to train you to…

Throughout the years that I’ve spent researching emotional abuse as a self-help author, I’ve communicated with thousands of survivors of narcissistic individuals as well as many manipulation experts. I have learned that there are certain things you should avoid doing with a narcissist in order to practice harm reduction if you are currently in a relationship with someone you believe lacks empathy. Narcissistic individuals follow certain patterns of behavior that thankfully are predictable enough that we can establish some general guidelines for people who may be encountering one for the first time, or for people who suspect they have been entrenched in an abuse cycle with a manipulator. A narcissist’s…

With the holiday season upon us, this is a prime time for malignant narcissists to engage in what we call “hoovering” – the gift none of us want, but one that keeps on giving. Hoovering is when, like a Hoover vacuum, the narcissist comes back around to suck their previous victims back into the toxic vortex of their abuse. As therapist Andrea Schneider, LCSW, notes, “When the cycle of “idealize, devalue, discard” is complete, a person with narcissistic qualities will often return to prior sources of narcissistic supply to see if he or she can tap such individuals for more ego-fueling attention, emotional reaction, sex, money, business advantages, a place…

One of the many ways society gaslights survivors of narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths is by telling victims who’ve encountered multiple predators that there must be some sort of mistake. Surely, it isn’t possible to meet and be victimized by so many toxic people, those without empathy or even worse, without a conscience? Aren’t psychopaths and sociopaths supposed to be rare? There is usually an implication that if a survivor has been victimized many times, there must be something wrong with them. Nothing could be further from the truth. Here are the most common reasons why you may have been a target of multiple predatory people throughout your lifetime: 1) Predators…

Malignant narcissists and psychopaths have a sadistic need to belittle their victims. As manipulation expert Dr. George Simon notes, “Psychopaths con and manipulate adeptly and mercilessly. Moreover, they can make sport of using and abusing. They enjoy “toying” with people. Naturally, they find this easy because they simply don’t care.” One of the most common ways psychopathic individuals toy with their victims is through a manipulation tactic known as withholding. After they idealize you in the honeymoon phase, they begin to deliberately withhold elements of the relationship which directly contribute to intimacy and a sense of personal security. These withholding tactics serve to instill insecurity in their victims, provoke their…

Most of us are familiar with Pavlov’s conditioning experiments. Pair a bell with food enough times, a dog starts salivating at the ring of the bell even without the food present because it’s now associated with the food they desire. But what happens in abusive and toxic relationships is a far more insidious and malicious type of conditioning – what I like to call “destructive conditioning” – conditioning which pairs what are meant to be innocuous or even celebratory sources of personhood with punishment, shame, humiliation, and degradation. There are three ways that malignant narcissists destructively condition you in order to erode your sense of self and safety in the…

You are probably already familiar with CDC health guidelines regarding the prevention of Coronavirus already: wash your hands with soap and water for at least twenty seconds; frequently disinfect commonly used surfaces; stay six feet away from others during social distancing; stay home as much as possible; self-isolate if you are sick. Yet during this pandemic, we have yet to discuss the unique challenges that trauma and abuse survivors may face when they are forced to self-isolate more than they already have and encounter barriers in accessing the support systems they had in place in every facet of their life. Nor have we discussed how the pandemic may be worsening…

Often trauma survivors struggle with ingrained “stuck points,” maladaptive thoughts and beliefs regarding the trauma that sustain their PTSD symptoms (Botsford et al. 2019). In abusive relationships with narcissists, distorted thoughts, interpretations and beliefs are encouraged by the abuser in order to keep victims trapped in the toxic dynamic. Here are the five stuck points narcissists encourage in their victims to keep them hooked, the manipulation tactics associated with them, and ways of reframing these beliefs into healthier ones. 1. “If I had done something differently, I wouldn’t have been a target.” A common symptom of those who struggle from the aftermath of trauma is a misplaced sense of self-blame.…