In our spiritually bypassing prone society, it’s common for survivors of narcissists to encounter harmful myths that, when internalized, can actually worsen trauma-related symptoms. Here are three of the biggest myths survivors of narcissists should be wary of and what research actually shows about the true nature of healing: 1) Myth: You can’t be angry on your healing journey, you have to force yourself to forgive the narcissist in order to stop being bitter. Fact: Natural emotions like anger have to be honored and processed when it comes to trauma. Premature forgiveness can lead to a delay in healing. Trauma experts know there are emotions known as “natural emotions” in…

One of the biggest misconceptions about psychopaths and malignant narcissists who have psychopathic traits is the idea that they are lashing out from pain when they engage in aggressive behavior. Nothing could be further from the truth. The defining characteristic of a psychopath is their tendency to engage in what is known as instrumental aggression (Glenn & Raine, 2009). Instrumental aggression is deliberate aggression waged against a victim for the purpose of fulfilling an agenda or getting some sort of reward. This type of aggression, also known as proactive or predatory aggression, is planned, premeditated, and often unprovoked by their victims; it is controlled, purposeful, and used to achieve personal…

One of the most common misconceptions people have about narcissism is the idea that all narcissists struggle with a core sense of shame that drives their malicious behavior toward others. While that may or may not be true for more “vulnerable” narcissists who are more likely to have feelings of personal inadequacy and are hypersensitive to feedback, research suggests that more grandiose narcissists, as well as psychopaths, do not experience the kind of shame and low self-esteem we would assume they do. According to researchers, grandiose narcissism is characterized by high self–esteem, interpersonal dominance and a tendency to overestimate one’s capabilities, while vulnerable narcissism presents as defensive, avoidant, and hypersensitive…

“When a commitmentphobic meets a woman he’s attracted to, the intensity of his interest often seduces her into thinking that she has the upper hand in the relationship…Later, when she is already involved, his behavior may be so contradictory that she excuses or rationalizes his commitmentphobic symptoms; his scenarios are often so bizarre that it’s hard to believe that the man who was once so adoring has become so weird.” In Men Who Can’t Love, authors Steven Carter and Julia Sokol expertly illustrate the patterns of commitmentphobia in those who fast-forward and love-bomb their chosen romantic targets, only to suddenly withhold and distance themselves coldly and callously. While Carter and…